venus in pisces

I kissed her with my half-flossed mouth, slowly getting hard inside my sweatpants, covered with shed hair from a mysterious cat. One that has visited a couch I crashed on last night at my friend’s place. That restless night I’ve been too excited to sleep, thinking about her. And I don’t care about my unruly hair, so dry and damaged by UV and A/C, my rusty beard, that she doesn’t like. One moment I almost show her my tears, I feel relieved that she didn’t notice. I pinched myself, missing an opportunity to go all that way through to the other side, to return home. A home that is not a structure but a feeling, or it is a house but for the Soul. And she touches my fingers, my hands my knees, getting closer and closer.

I admire her imperfections, her realness, her radiance, her openness, her courage, her fear, her own tears, I hope to see. I wonder how many lucky ones had a chance to appreciate all that before me. We sound mutual irony, an incremental delay of gratification. We both understand what happens next, but choose to joke about sex and distract each other with more verbal excitements. I lean toward her, and she springs right into my face, weeding through the brush to my lips. She rushes a bit, holding her, I sense the vibration within, I try to slow everything down to make it last longer. I touch her chest, her belly, her hips to appreciate the body, the whole, to say hello.

I love her acorn, that tender ball of love inside, that must have been dormant for a long time, while she was getting distracted with the ‘stuff of life.’ I’m afraid of too much ‘water in 10,’ and the Mercury that already shows up. The feeling of betrayal is still fresh inside me, and I don’t want to reencounter it. It’s OK if I will because I rather stay awake and experience everything that I have to feel than miss a chance, protecting myself. And maybe we will learn the work fast, taste the reward early enough, so we keep lingering together. We are on top of Venus right now, a Leo and a Pieces, and it’s not the safest planet to build our house, although it looks that it casts a powerful spell over both of us. I don’t want to leave, but we are tired. I need to drive back to my house, 440 miles away. Instead I drive to a nearby hotel, hoping to see her tomorrow, wondering if she may be the one to understand the sad man behind blue eyes.