small in the doing

Last night in the bathtub, I realised something about my habit of crafting big and ambitious plans — always nine things instead of one. When I strategise, I feel excited and empowered, but when I actually start doing something, it feels awkwardly small, fleeting, unimportant. I connect it to a fear — one of missing out, losing possessions, screwing things up. There’s no trust in abundance here, no belief that there will always be more. And maybe that’s why it’s so hard for me to focus on just one thing at a time — one thing I truly want to do in the moment. My mind clings to an inflated sense of purpose, as if I need to prove being ambitious to myself.

The agricultural revolution marked a shift that altered humans’ relationship with time and introduced scarcity. Before that, we lived in a world where nature provided freely, leaving no need for accumulation or long-term planning. It was as if we lived in a glamping hotel with a free buffet, where everything we truly needed was available when we needed it! There were no services, but also no fear of missing out. But with agriculture came the concept of security and the need to measure finite resources. We began to hoard and to fear the future. Universal income and gift economy could be the solutions to this disconnection — a way to reconnect with the idea that there is enough for everyone, that life doesn’t have to be a constant struggle to extract and protect.