practicing man

The will for joy is slow to anchor, but it pushes me forward with a load of energy, making it surprisingly fast to fly. I learn that creativity is not something we do as much as a continual unrestrained flow that we draw on as we order. The only necessary skill - tapping in, without one, I will have to reduce to claiming an artist block, looking for a muse, and waiting for inspiration — wondrous trio, all —different names for a resistance.

The resistance to act guards me against opening up too soon before I learn to appreciate my uniqueness, I have to believe that. I envy other artists to be seemingly ahead, observing their formulae within an altered nature of consciousness, traversing the pathway from universal back to personal. Their talents seem so intense, but the secret that every experienced artist knows is that one can attain extraordinary skills best by concentrating upon the mundane while trusting the unknown.

I hiked into the imaginative wilderness, unaware that the path requires vulnerability. Society taught me to think of vulnerability as weakness, a negative trait that exposes me to harm. I wanted guarantees, I thought about trust, I talked about faith — still, the vulnerability only natured through me when I gave it space. I needed an updated way of looking at the values of my experiences, which is also an abandoned way. To remember that being an artist means communicating by continuously re-discovering thyself, building trust with inner signals, penetrating the fog of the uncertainty, find what feels truthful, and supply it with a form.

To leap without reservations into what astounds me and object loudly to everything I don’t need in my life. Cease self-improvement and forget about lifestyle design, allowing the unknown to work through me, conferring my calling. Self-expression is a factor to consider that calling most patently when art is a product of a joyful choice rather than a necessity. Extraordinary exposes the ordinary in an amplified image. Symbolic ripens literal, turning mystical into empirical.

A skilled artist internalizes the struggles and continues to work, picking up the next day, where he left the day before, mastering the language and sharpening tools. Instead of competing and climbing someone else’s ladders, he implicitly ascends an inner mountain, then discovers another mountain on the top of the first one. He continues rising without delays, spontaneously, with no judgements and expectations. He had already reached his destination by doing the work alone, taking the first step and knowing the next step will follow. His search for meaning has become the meaning.

I should stop asking for permissions and validation, for acceptance, cease justifying clever means and applying social connections. Revert to simplicity, to daily routines, to cultivating meaning, to continuous self-discovery that enables self-expression. Authorize being productive without limiting the vision or diminishing the skills. Sanction to weaponize my vulnerability, and not against the madness in the world around, but to pledge allegiance to the inner calling that leads to selfless service. To develop a lasting relationship with the inner-self and discover a network of people alike, offering my voice to a thing we collectively raise, which all leads to a very different kind of belonging.