people don’t talk about what they want from sex

—either because they don’t have the vocabulary or because they’re embarrassed, hesitant, or scared to use words. If people did talk about what they want from sex thoroughly and accurately, they’d use language that’s primarily experiential rather than functional. That is, instead of talking about what their bodies might do, they’d talk about how they would like to feel: un-self-conscious, youthful, graceful, passionate, attractive, competent, special… The challenge is to create such experiences while you relax… how much can you enjoy being told you’re attractive when you’re afraid you’ll lose your erection