projection and transference two dynamics of relationships

• a projection is a mechanism whereby our psychological contents leave us … seeking an object — a person, an institution, a role — upon which to fasten. Because this occurs unconsciously, we then respond to the other as if we know it …. Similarly, we transfer to that other our personal history … we infantilize our relationships with our intimate other, church, government, organization, or any role that carries presumptive authority with it
• Given the power, the ubiquity, and the subtlety of these projected contents, these transferred historic strategies, we expect others to take care of us, while we cavil against the inadequacies of our affiliations and wonder why our roles alone fail to confirm our maturity and provide continuing satisfaction.
• The Eden Project: The Search for the Magical Other
• asking of the other what we are not addressing ourselves
• to show up in the best way we can
• four kinds of relationship between knower and known